I am shaking my head as I read Evia's latest self-serving rant. In this essay I will point out a few things that caught my eye. I will put Evia's writing in red then follow with a response.
I've faced the fact that even if I post a million pics here and even if I posted our marriage certificates here with our pics engraved on the certificates, it wouldn't matter because many people just do NOT want to believe that we're happy-content-satisfied in our relationships, which have the usual relationships' ups and downs.
If Evia posted a million pics of American Black Women involved in interracial marriages, she would have to fabricate about 850,000 of those pics. I have posted the stats on BW and interracial marriage, people can take them or leave them.
And trust me: neither race, nor ethnicity has anything to do with male size, sexual potency or performance. This has been proven by research. However, AA males keep telling bw this HYPE. The next time one of these males says this to you, ask him how exactly is it that bm KNOW that wm can't "jump" unless they've been sexing wm? I've heard and read where some of them claim that ww have told them that. LOL! Smart move. It would be totally dumb for a ww to be in bed with a bm and tell him that wm are better. Enough said about that particular hype. The need for critical thinking is CRITICAL, y'all.
First problem, the biggest purveyor of the idea of Black Male Potency are not Black men nor Black Women, it is the very White men that Evia are trying to pimp to Black women. It is White men who control the media, and who control the porn industry that insists on that standard. I personally don't place that much importance on group anything let alone group Phallic Size. Evia forgets that many of these White men play sports with and share locker rooms with Black men. If White Men who control the media keep playing it up, maybe it is their own feelings that should be questioned.
Secondly, how insulting is this to Black women, assuming that they are only interested in Black men only because of some sexual myth. As if Black Women who don't agree with her are incapable of having higher interests such as shared history or struggle or just plain preference for Black men. Once again if you dare disagree with the almighty Evia, something must be wrong with you.
But hear this: hundreds of thousands (million?) of the the STRONGEST, MOST MASCULINE MALES could not possibly be caged in prison by weaker males. If I'm wrong, then what does "strong" and "most masculine" mean? Or, if it is true that black males are the strongest and most masculine men on earth, then what good is being strong and masculine when other men have to feed you and can put you in cages whenever they want? What is being strong and masculine really worth if the bulk of these males have abandoned most of their defenseless children? All of the superiority nonsense is a joke told to foolish women who reward these jokers by paying attention to them and giving them what they what they want. Sensible bw do not pay attention to any bm who peddles that kind of hype.
Perhaps Evia has never heard of the Holocaust. You know that thing where 6 million Jews were ripped from there homes and killed. Do people consider Jewish people weak, and especially the Men less masculine because of what happened to them? After all they were caged and fed until their deaths by the Germans.
Of course not, most sane and intelligent people consider them as victims. Their group intelligence (Jewish people are and have always been among the most educated groups wherever they live) did not prevent their victimization. Their wealth (which was confiscated by the Germans) did not prevent their victimization.
How does this relate? The Something Screwed Crews hatred for themselves and their Blackness have lead them down the path of worshipping the victimization of their ancestors and their descendants (us) as a sign of Black men's weakness. Not just Evia, but many of them. They defecate on the graves of every person who suffered and lived and died so they could be free to act the fools that they act today, both Black Men and Women. While I disagree with Mr. Queens when he calls these women "Sellouts" just for marrying White Men, I call these women sellouts for disgracing the suffering of their own people. I don't care who marries who, but when you have to justify it like this, then shame on you.
Secondly reading that passage from Evia, I would believe that Evia thinks all cops are White Men and all criminals are Black Men. No Black men (or women or Asian) law enforcement officers and no White (or Asian or Women) criminals. Need I explain the folly of this any further?
Finally on this point, not everybody is a front runner like Evia. Few fair and honest people would deny that being a White Man in America is not the most challenging of circumstances. There are people who do admire and see strength in Black Men because they continue to persevere even though not every thing is set up in their favor. Where many other groups have fled their countries in search of a greener pasture, or have been completely terminated, Blacks and Black Men have fought to get what they have. Not everybody is inclined to kiss ass just so they can "live in the suburbs".
Let's be realistic about this. No group is superior. Individuals must be vetted and judged INDIVIDUALLY.
Then why does your blog continually contradict this message? Don't see a whole lot about vetting any other group except White men.
Many wm and other non-bm who are interested in bw as potential mates also need to see these pics to know that many AA women they see everyday who may appear not to be interested in wm or non-bm are very interested, but just don't quite know how to subtly give them the "green light" and connect with them. And of course, many wm, like various other men, fear rejection, but this means that BOTH of them are going to have to take the risk or if not, in many cases, they will miss out on having the wonderful type of relationship that you describe below.
Try as best as you can to follow Evia's logic: Black men are weak because they are caged and fed by stronger White men, yet somehow these same Strong White men need to see pictures on HER website because they FEAR being rejected by the women that are associated with the weak Black men that they cage and feed.
Are you fucking jiving me?
Women who don't know how to give men a signal that they are interested? Is there such a thing? Why does a strong man need any signal? Strong and assertive men know what they want and don't wait for signals, they take action. White men are not waiting for Asian Women to signal them.
It's really a LOT of these Christian leaders (both black and white, females and males) who keep wm and bw apart.
Oh my god (pun intended) is this woman out of her mind with paranoia. Once again, shouldn't these strong masculine White men overcome any barriers to get to their Black Queens?
There is really a lot of vile behavior that has always been committed by Christians though (the Crusades, racism, sexism, etc). I've wondered too how such ***devout*** Christians could hate other people that God made, that is IF they really believe in God and IF they believe that God made these other people.
Maybe this is something she should ask herself as she has shown no grace nor mercy to what she called DBR Black Men. Aren't they god's children also?
If you're going to continue to remain in the "Christian" setting, I'd suggest that you join a multiracial church that has a sizeable number of wm/non-bm members in your age category and you have to make it a point to be approachable or maybe you're the outgoing type who can comfortably approach guys?.
Foolish me, I thought Church was a place to worship the Lord. Don't get me wrong, I know many people meet their spouses at church. However, going to Church with another agenda doesn't sound very Christian-like to me.
I've always mixed with a wide variety of other groups of people, so I feel comfortable in many settings, but most people don't get the chance or don't create opportunities to mix with a wide variety of others from other groups, so they only have the stereotypic lens to view each other through and let's face it, the negative stereotypes about both blacks and whites are BAD.
The only thing that she wrote that I almost agree with. I say almost agree because she omits Asians and Latinos and other people. She never really focuses on them anyway, so I am not surprised.
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"hundreds of thousands (million?) of the the STRONGEST, MOST MASCULINE MALES could not possibly be caged in prison by weaker males. If I'm wrong, then what does "strong" and "most masculine" mean"
well that is just crap. I am not saying any group of men is more or less masculine than the next. But hundreds of thousands of them COULD be caged by weaker men if those weaker men are a majority and are armed.
Why, when slaves were stolen from Africa and sold were they shackled? Especially the men? Because the slave traders (white and Arab) were afraid of them rebelling and overpowering them so they kept them restrained. I don't think it is calling a man's masculinity into question to point out that men can break iron bars and shackles - even Arnold or the Rock - that's why such devices were created, to cage even the strongest men. Furthermore, all men are mortal and can't fend off bullets. So unless they want to die, if they have guns pointed at their heads they will comply, even if they don't want to.
Were white men more masculine than Native Americans? No, they just had better weapons and eventually greater numbers.
i meant to say "can't break iron bars or shackles"
You should also check out the WWS blog - comments on the latest post - an Asian man has been commenting there and they are attacking his masculinity etc... just shows what kind of people they are.
Thank you for the chance to comment.
I really don't think that Evia and the others are
blaming black men for their decisions to be with
white men. I think something else is going on.
I, too, have been in relationships with white men.
And as an adult woman, I don't blame anyone for the
choices I"ve made in life. But there is a REASON I
became open to being with white men in the first
place. I grew up feeling that I wasn't that
desirable to most black men, mainly because of my
dark skin. I could see who was considered pretty,
desirable, and attractive in the environment I lived
in, and they were almost always the lightest-
skinned girls. So when I went out into the world, I
decided to focus on my education and pursue a
career--and if love came my way, to be open to it,
regardless of where it came from.
So if a non-black man expressed an interest in
me, and I liked him, I would allow myself to be
involved with him.
Again, it's not a question of blame. But
everything can be EXPLAINED.
, I would allow myself to be
involved with him.
Anon, welcome and thanks for commenting.
The difference bewteen you and Evia, is that you made a mature intelligent decision as it pertained to your life. You did what mature and intelligent people do: you felt "unwanted" in one place so you went where you felt wanted. Nothing is wrong with that and I applaud and respect that reaction.
Evia on the otherhand proclaims loudly that she is wanted someplace else. And it is not good enough for her to go and be as happy as she claims she is, she needs other people to go down the same path as her. Perhaps she needs that because she does not truly believe in what she preaches and seeks security in numbers?
Unlike you who sought out a place and someone to be happy with, Evia keeps looking over her shoulder to point out any ill of Black men in order to justify her decision instead of just owning it.
In a nutshell, the independant, common sensical, and emotional adaptivity that you reflect in your post is the antithesis of the self-serving, hypocritical, whining that is typical of an Evia blog posting.
Truth
You hit it right on the nail. In order to convince other black women about white men. She has to demonize black men.
She even said it in her blog. She says the reason I mention black men is to save black women.
Na, the reason you mention us is to get attention for your blog.
Or nobody would give a shit about your little stories about Darren.
For the record her original blogs years ago only talked about Darren giving her breakfast in bed. Then it sort of morphed into yea all white men will wait on you hand and foot. Go date them girl.
Problem is over time the black women that took Evia advice found out white men are a lot more complicated then that.
A backlash is bound to happen. There is just not enough "quality white men for black women".
Evia at one point told black women to lower their standards and get them a "homely" white man. It was just getting more pathetic.
Most sellout black women that comment on your blog or mine. They always say " I don't listen to Evia". I mean come on now. Evia embarrassing you or something?
Firstly, though I don't agree with everything Evia writes, it's nice to see someone who makes no secret that she is FOR black women. Shirley Chisholm once said, "black women are a part of everyone else's agenda but their own". It is black women who are bearing the bruunt of raising children alone, succeeding alone, suffering from diseases like hypertension and high blood pressure. Our rate of HIV/AIDS is twice that of white women (and I think higher). And don't get me started on self-esteem issues and our continuing colorism.
What I don't understand from the detractors here is--why is that such a negative thing for her to discuss? Are you afraid that some right wing lunatic like Rush "Oxycontin" Limbaugh is going to see her blog and start in on black people? I wouldn't be that concerned because the fat windbag hates black people anyway and nothing Evia writes would alter that fact. Yes, we have positive black male role models (one is sitting in the Oval Office as I write this), but we also have those DBM's who are harming not just themselves and black women, but our communities.
I don't see Evia holding up white men as the standard. My great-grandmother had a wonderful saying: there are 3 types of men in the world--good men, GREAT MEN, and men you pray will never reproduce. What I DO read from her is that black women need to take back their power and start demanding BETTER of themselves and from whatever race of man they happen to choose. She offers support to black women who may be seeking a deeper relationship outside of their race by illustrating that such relationships are neither strange or impossible. She also confronts us with some uncomfortable truths, and I believe it's those truths that make so many here squirm.
I find it telling that women of other races vet their potential mates, but for some reason, black women aren't supposed to? Why is it such a big deal when a black woman exhorts other black women to cast their nets wider? Do black men see this as a threat over their patriarchal control? Not surprising because MEN in general seem to have issues when women take control over their personal lives. Besides that, statistics show Black men date and marry interracially in far larger numbers that black women--and a lot of them (not all)--blame black women's so-called "materialism" and our "attitudes" for why they do so, but I suppose that's okay and it's "our" fault.
Whatever.
I didn't choose my significant other (latino) because I believed he was "better" than a black man. I chose him because we are compatible. We share the same interests, goals, hobbies, etc. I'm sorry, but there just aren't enough black male goth Renaissance Faire re-enactors out there, and I'll be damned if I'm supposed to remain dateless until one happens to come along.
Oh, and I've been in this relationship longer than I've been reading her blog. And like everything I read, I read her blog, just as I've read this one, with a critical eye.
Welcome Kym.
Firstly, though I don't agree with everything Evia writes, it's nice to see someone who makes no secret that she is FOR black women.
Is she really for Black women? It seems to me that most of her post center around A) what Black men do wrong B) how to get a White man C) only the Black women who are like her (i.e. college educated, professional, etc). Little to no mention of the vast majority of Black women who do not attend colleges nor have lives that have them in contact with their "desired" White men.
Also why can't she accept that some Black women would rather be alone than be with a White man? I am not saying agree with it, but respect the women who make that choice. Is it necessary for her to call them names? Is calling Black women who don't share her views "mammy" what you would call upliftment?
Shirley Chisholm once said, "black women are a part of everyone else's agenda but their own". It is black women who are bearing the bruunt of raising children alone, succeeding alone, suffering from diseases like hypertension and high blood pressure. Our rate of HIV/AIDS is twice that of white women (and I think higher). And don't get me started on self-esteem issues and our continuing colorism.
Black women (and Black men too) do have issues that need addressing. I do believe that Black women should take control of the things that affect their destiny. However, if Evia and Sara are considered among your best voices, Black women are in deep doo-doo.
What I don't understand from the detractors here is--why is that such a negative thing for her to discuss? Are you afraid that some right wing lunatic like Rush "Oxycontin" Limbaugh is going to see her blog and start in on black people? I wouldn't be that concerned because the fat windbag hates black people anyway and nothing Evia writes would alter that fact. Yes, we have positive black male role models (one is sitting in the Oval Office as I write this), but we also have those DBM's who are harming not just themselves and black women, but our communities.
Every race has it good and bad. Pretending otherwise is pure folly, though Evia partakes in it. As you said, our communities have enough problems. Why add to them?
I don't see Evia holding up white men as the standard.
She treats White men like they are "Plan B". But hell if any White man wants to sign up for that, then that is his business.
My great-grandmother had a wonderful saying: there are 3 types of men in the world--good men, GREAT MEN, and men you pray will never reproduce.
Your great-grandma sounds like a wise woman.
What I DO read from her is that black women need to take back their power and start demanding BETTER of themselves and from whatever race of man they happen to choose. She offers support to black women who may be seeking a deeper relationship outside of their race by illustrating that such relationships are neither strange or impossible.
If she did this without feeding White supremacists notions, then my blog (and Rocky's and Una's et al) would not be necessary.
She also confronts us with some uncomfortable truths, and I believe it's those truths that make so many here squirm.
What she does is she buys into the White supremacist equation of
White man mess up = individuals mistake
Black man mess up = Black men nature
And Evia does a whole lot of ignoring of Black womens issues on many occasions when the primary culprit is White men. For example, Evia and many of her readers believe that White women are on a media pedestal. If this upsets them, how come they don't attack the source that mainly controls the media, White men? Conflict of dating interest maybe?
The only thing that makes me squirm is her abuse of logic that when applied in other examples only exposes how delusional Evia has become.
I find it telling that women of other races vet their potential mates, but for some reason, black women aren't supposed to? Why is it such a big deal when a black woman exhorts other black women to cast their nets wider? Do black men see this as a threat over their patriarchal control? Not surprising because MEN in general seem to have issues when women take control over their personal lives.
First it is a good idea for everyone regardless of race or sex to vet who they date and mate. If anyone needs a "leader" or spokesperson to tell them that, then they are going to be in trouble no matter who they get with. Secondly, with the exception of Black nationalist who frown down upon all interracial dating and a few jerks, most Black men don't care if Black women date White men or Asian or Latin or whoever. I personally don't care, as I wish everyone to find whoever makes them happy. I care when one cannot do it without putting down other people.
Besides that, statistics show Black men date and marry interracially in far larger numbers that black women--and a lot of them (not all)--blame black women's so-called "materialism" and our "attitudes" for why they do so, but I suppose that's okay and it's "our" fault.
Those Black men who do that and Evia are both cut from the same cloth. Shame on them both.
Speaking of Black Men dating out, do you notice something peculiar about the tone she has about Black men dating out and specifically White women relationships? Why should she even care who Black men date if she is preaching IR for Black women? And make no mistake about it, she cares.
I didn't choose my significant other (latino) because I believed he was "better" than a black man. I chose him because we are compatible. We share the same interests, goals, hobbies, etc. I'm sorry, but there just aren't enough black male goth Renaissance Faire re-enactors out there, and I'll be damned if I'm supposed to remain dateless until one happens to come along.
And this is the critical difference between you and Evia. You chose your man for who he is. Evia preaches for Black women to chose men for what they are not (i.e White men are not Black).
I am happy for you that you made a choice that makes you happy.
And like everything I read, I read her blog, just as I've read this one, with a critical eye.
That's good, and don't forget to have a critical mind. Anyone can come here and freely speak their mind as long as they stick to the issues. Agreeing with me is not a requirement. Can those who visit Evia's or Sara's site say the same?
Why take advice from someone who refuses to have any of their positions challenged? Why listen to someone who can't allow for the possiblity that they may be wrong about some things?
Questions their followers should ponder.
Also Kym, you mentioned that you are Black and into Goth. You and Raina should speak if you haven't already.
http://torainofhavock.blogspot.com/
Why spend so much time on what Evia writes. There are literally MILLIONS of other essays, blogs, and information on the internet to read and discuss.
If she bothers one, they can simply move on. Not create another blog about why she irritates or perhaps strikes a nerve.
It's like talking about something and making it controversial and even more popular by the mere fact that you and I are engaging in conversation about it.
I typically move on when I see something I believe is pitiful or not worth my time.
Peace
Samantha,
I eventually will move on to another topic. I am kind of getting to that point as you may notice I have not made a main post in a while.
I just hate to see bullshit go unchallenged. When I have felt I have said my peace, I will leave things as they are.
Until then...
You're an asshole stalker you give BM a bad name you need to go mentor a youth or buy a WW to have sex with your delusional, stalkerish ass. You are nuts.
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