Why Certain Black Women Hate Nerdy Black Men

A certain angry negress is at again. I'll give my take on why she and women like her who claim not to care about "nerdy Black men", yet are hell bent on dictating to them what they do, how they do it and who they do it with. Before I begin, here is an article that illustrates some of the points I will touch on. It can be found here

http://www.thefighting44s.com/archives/2007/08/10/browns-wall-of-shame-in-inter-racial-dating/

Interracial Dating Angers Many Black Women at Brown U.

By Ben Gose
From the issue dated May 10, 1996

Lauren Handelsman, a white sophomore at Brown University, didn’t expect many problems when she began dating a black student in the fall of 1994.

“We’re at Brown,” she remembers telling Thabiti Brown, her boyfriend, who is also a sophomore, as their friendship grew serious. “People are really open-minded here. People are nice here.”

“Well,” she says now, “I guess not.”

She had expected a few racist asides when they walked off-campus in Providence holding hands, or maybe some awkward small talk at mostly white parties.

Instead, the most flak has come from black women who think that black men who date non-black women are abandoning their race, Ms. Handelsman says. Many of them glare when she and Mr. Brown walk around the campus, she says. Friends tell her that some black women criticize her behind her back.

Last October, in an incident that still has students talking, seven black women got personal in their crusade against black-white romance.

The women, who had gathered in the dormitory room of Felicia Carmen Lyde, a sophomore, scrawled “Wall of Shame” on a wall with an erasable blue marker. They then wrote the names of famous black men who either date or have married white women, according to Ms. Lyde.

Then, on the door of Ms. Lyde’s room, the women made a second list, with about a dozen names of black men on the campus who, they said, date white women — including Thabiti Brown and, simply, “the basketball team.”

Ms. Lyde lives on the busy first floor of Harambee House, a dormitory for students who are interested in African-American culture. News of the “Wall of Shame” circulated quickly, setting off fierce arguments within the black community at Brown. Men on the list were hurt, as were children of mixed-race marriages. Most Brown students, however, did not learn about it until Michael Maimon, a white columnist at The Brown Daily Herald, the student newspaper, wrote about it in January.

The black women who created the list say it was the result of frustration that has been building for a long time. Black men at Brown have simply rejected them, they say.

“People come up to me and say, ‘Why did you do it? Didn’t you know it would hurt people’s feelings?’” says Ms. Lyde.

“Didn’t they know that my feelings have been hurt all along?”

When Ms. Handelsman heard about the list from a friend, she stayed up all night crying. “I was very upset, offended, hurt — just angry in general,” she says.

On one level, the controversy involving interracial dating at Brown is simply the most intimate version of a broader campus debate involving race and ethnicity. At many colleges, the need for racial solidarity runs up against the ideal of race-blindness in such issues as housing and special orientation programs for minority students.

But the dating issue is also a question of demographics. At Brown, black women outnumber black men 211 to 154. The discrepancy is even wider nationally. About 900,000 black women were enrolled in undergraduate and graduate programs at colleges and universities in 1994, compared with 550,000 black men, according to the U.S. Department of Education.

It makes things worse, says Leslie Abrams, a black junior at Brown, when “the black men who are here don’t want to have anything to do with you.” She says she was not involved in the “Wall of Shame” but sympathizes with those who created it.

Some black women at Brown believe that half of the black men there date white women at least occasionally.

But Ralph Johnson, a sophomore who made Ms. Lyde’s list, says he can count the number of black men in relationships with white women on two hands.

Mr. Johnson, who says he usually dated black women in high school, says he fell for Rachel Davidson, who is white, shortly after a friend introduced them in a campus cafeteria. They have dated for more than a year now.

“Two people can love each other, and there should be nothing wrong with that,” he says. “I cannot be blamed for the lack of black men who get together with black women.”

Rarely do controversies over interracial dating become public. Last spring, a Yale University graduate set off a furor on that campus with an article in The New York Times in which she described the dim prospects that black women at Yale faced in trying to get a date. The story said some black women were tolerating unfaithful boyfriends or were bowing to sexual pressure.

On weekend nights at Brown, Ms. Lyde says, “black women just sit around and talk with each other. That’s it.”

Ms. Handelsman says that she understands why black women are angry, but that the “Wall of Shame” was such a personal attack that it should have been treated as a violation of the student-conduct code. She took her complaints to Leonard Perry, an associate dean of student life who also serves as an adviser to Harambee House.

He visited Ms. Lyde’s room but says he saw only a few names on her door, and nothing that said “Wall of Shame.” Because Ms. Handelsman did not file a written complaint, the university did not conduct a formal investigation.

Mr. Perry noted tension between black men and women in the dormitory, however, and suggested a workshop on interracial dating.

About 50 students — almost all of them black, and two-thirds of them women — talked, cried, and shouted during a tempestuous four-hour meeting. When some black men denied that they loathed their own race, black women began to call out more names of black men who date white women.

Some students were angry that the administration had not responded more forcefully to the list.

“For Brown to ignore the ‘Wall of Shame’ is really pretty wild,” says Tabitha Suarez, a Daily Herald columnist. “Brown is the kind of university that goes haywire over any breach of sensitivity.”

Black women say black men naively succumb to standards of beauty drawn from mainstream magazines and movies, which present blond, blue-eyed women as the ideal.

Ms. Abrams, the Brown junior, who grew up in Gulfport, Miss., says that as a teen-ager, she went to bed wishing that her kinky hair would straighten by the time she awoke. Now she’s learned to love her hair, and she’d like black men to do the same. “If you’re in love, and it’s a simple matter of attraction, then go for it,” she says. “But if you’re attracted to a white woman because you’ve been taught that white is the prime standard of beauty, then that’s problematic.”

The women at Brown have a point, says Larry Hajime Shinagawa, an assistant professor in the department of American multicultural studies at Sonoma State University who has studied interracial marriage. Twice as many black men as black women are married to whites, he notes, adding that stereotypes have something to do with the pattern.

Some black men may accept racist stereotypes of black women as bossy homemakers or strident complainers, he argues. “Unfortunately, there are still some very, very negative views about black women in this society.”

Ms. Abrams says some black men are looking for a chance to “step up” to the white world. “I’ve heard guys here say they’re going to go get their good job, their big salary, their big house, their big cars — and their white wife.”

She isn’t interested in dating outside her race, she says, because she worries about the way racism might subtly infect the relationship.

Mr. Johnson, the Brown sophomore, says black women are overstating the extent of interracial dating. While black women flock around what he calls “flashy guys” and athletes, he says, quiet and studious black men are ignored.

Black women “should start looking up” at all the available men around them, he says. “These are brothers who will be running companies someday.”

He says the idea that he has turned his back on his race by dating a white woman is absurd. He is the treasurer of Brown’s largest black-student group, the Organization of United African Peoples, and spent much of this winter scheduling campus speakers for Black History Month. Once a week, he heads to a Providence community center where he serves as a mentor for black high-school students.

The “Wall of Shame” is a distraction, he says. “There are so many other things that need this kind of energy and attention.”

Ms. Davidson, his girlfriend, says she wasn’t surprised by the naming of names on the door. She had sensed resentment from some black women from the first week of her relationship. “It was just a blatant display of something that we knew existed subtly,” she says.

The incident has strained relations between allies in Brown’s minority community. Several members of the Brown Organization of Multiracial and Biracial Students have one parent who is black and another who is white. “It’s indirectly expressing disapproval for their existence,” says Emily Lam, a leader of the group. She is of Chinese and Peruvian ancestry.

Jocelyn Burrell, a freshman who has a black father and a white mother, says she was devastated when she heard of the list. As a child, she says, she was stung when she overheard black men make “horribly derogatory” comments about black women.

She attended the heated meeting about interracial dating at Harambee House in part because she wanted to commiserate with the black women, she says. Yet she also wanted to tell them how badly she had been hurt by their action.

But the black woman leading the conversation would not let her speak, she says, because she is dating a white high-school student. “It’s like there was a hierarchy of pain.”

There is for Ms. Lyde. “I’m trying to talk to the black man, and they’re crying about being insulted. That’s the problem — everyone wants to get in on the conversation.”

Several black men have erased their names from the list on Ms. Lyde’s door. But even after eight months, two names remain. Ms. Lyde has no plans to remove them.

“Is it not the truth?” she asks.

One big problem with this conversation is that what constitutes a "nerd" is not properly defined. For the sake of this conversation, we will go with Mr. Johnson's definition above in green which is what most Black men are referring to when they say "nerds", that is guys who don't fit into the flashy guy or athlete or thug mold. Why do certain Black women have a problem with these guys

1) Black male nerds like most all other males in the United States whether they are Black or not, nerds or not, typically do not worship the "average to below average" Black female aesthetic . In typical bait and switch style, those Black females are bending over backwards trying to portray "nerdy" Black men as the angry rejects when it is they themselves who are feeling the sting of being unwanted. This sting is extra painful when it comes from males that are the same race. You hear it all the time in the worn out shaming tactic of "What about your mother".

The angry negress posted a posting of a Black male lamenting his lack of success in getting women. She even agrees with his implication that being a Black male is a total handicap unless if you are a 9 or 10. The ironic part of that posting of hers is if you replace Black male with White male and Black women with White woman, you basically have George Sodini (sans the shooting - hopefully).

Compare the Black male loser and his article to George Sodini:

November 5, 2008:
Planned to do this in the summer but figure to stick around to see the election outcome. This particular one got so much attention and I was just curious. Not like I give a flying fuck who won, since this exit plan was already planned. Good luck to Obama! He will be successful. The liberal media LOVES him. Amerika has chosen The Black Man. Good! In light of this I got ideas outside of Obama’s plans for the economy and such. Here it is: Every black man should get a young white girl hoe to hone up on. Kinda a reverse indentured servitude thing. Long ago, many a older white male landowner had a young Negro wench girl for his desires. Bout’ time tables are turned on that shit. Besides, dem young white hoez dig da bruthrs! LOL. More so than they dig the white dudes! Every daddy know when he sends his little girl to college, she be bangin a bruthr real good. I saw it. “Not my little girl”, daddy says! (Yeah right!!) Black dudes have thier choice of best white hoez. You do the math, there are enough young white so all the brothers can each have one for 3 or 6 months or so.

In the same fashion that the Black male loser blamed all of his dating woes on the White man, George Sodini, a White man and a total loser, blamed his woes on the Black man. The Black male that the angry negress is referencing is not the personification of a Black male nerd, he is the personification of a LOSER (which he admits himself). Black women who lament that Black losers like the blogger hate Black women don't know real hatred. The families of the victims of the White women who unfortunately got lined up in George Sodini's crosshairs know what real hate is.

Why does the angry negress and others like her continually go out of their way to tell Black men that other races of women don't want us unless if we are rich or a 9 or 10? Maybe because...

2) "Nerdy" Black men do have options. They may not have as many options as rich men or flashy Black men or even nerdy White men, but they do have options. They seem to have more options then Black females with the "average to below average" aesthetic. Of course I can already hear the predictable rantings of Black men only getting the fat ones or only getting the uneducated ones blah blah blah. In the article above, Mr. Brown and Mr. Johnson were dating women at the same Ivy league school. Most people tend to date someone who is a peer whether they date intraracially or interracially. Of course there are plenty of couples who don't and often times they are held up as examples of "proof".

If those men weren't worth a damn then why the "Wall of Shame?" Why go on "Oprah"? Why the "Nightline" Special? Black male nerds at least have the dignity to move on and go seek out women who appreciate them as they are while these angry fools chase after the same set of men creating their own perceived man shortage then go running to the media expecting the World to give a damn. Some of them are finally figuring it out that the world is laughing at them and not looking to help them.

The truth is even nerdy Black men's vote count. When nerdy Black men opt for non-Black women over another Black woman, it hits a deep nerve of insecurity. Even though any particular Black woman may not want that Black man herself, she needs that Black man to worship Black women as it is important to her massive ego. That is one main reason why the nerdy Black man must be kept in his place by angry Black females. That is the motivation behind the supposedly unanswerable question that the Angry Negress and another angry negress pose to Black male nerds.

I digress, but how can they claim a question as unanswerable when both angry negress would block and ban any commenter who would dare provide an answer that they don't want to hear? LOL. To the question, they always ask, "Why don't Black male nerds pursuit their nerdy Black female counterparts". At this point, I as a Black man is supposed to be stumped for an answer and guilted and shamed for my unfairness. But here is the simple answer:

Just as Black "dimes" have come to the conclusion that they don't owe nerdy Black men anything, Black nerd males have come to the same conclusion in regards to nerdy Black females.

See, it was not an unanswerable question. I will write it again:

Just as Black "dimes" have come to the conclusion that they don't owe nerdy Black men anything, Black nerd males have come to the same conclusion in regards to nerdy Black females.

If nerdy Black men are supposed to look at themselves and question what they are doing wrong, what the hell is keeping nerdy Black women from doing the same?

I for one am not buying the duplicitious bullshit of angry Black females. Out of one side of their mouth they proclaim their right to hypergamy when it comes to men (whether they date intraracially or interracially) , yet out of the other side when Black male nerds exercise their options, then and only then these Black females pretend to give a fuck about lynchings and Emmitt Till or the welfare of Black Children. Which leads to my next point...

3) Nerdy Black men are most likely not going to stick around to clean up the mess created by Black women and their "flashy" men. This reality is true whether the nerdy Black man goes his own way or if he selects a non-Black woman for a companion. The angry negress addresses this point in her other black male nerd bashing rants and disingeniuously camoflages her concern with more of her typical belittement of Black male nerds i.e. they work for White male nerds, they don't open any business etc. Ignoring the fact that 99% of White nerds work for somebody else, what do you care what occupation Black nerds have since you don't want them?

The truth is I personally don't care if Black women sleep with nerds or thugs or non-Black (re: White) men. Black women are free to be with whoever will have them.

My issue is when these Black women make bad choices then go running to the world blaming men like me. My issue is when these women allow Pookie and Ray-Ray to bust a raw nut up inside of them and then they go complaining that Black men like me don't want them because we hate our moms or I can't handle a strong woman or whatever nonsense of the day.

The reality of women is that they need men. Whether they want those man sexually or not is irrelevant. Compare places in America that are populated by single mothers and those that are not and you see the difference.

Many Black women fail to realize the difference between them and non-Black Women, and especially White women. As a collective whole, White women can afford to fuck up, Black women can't. An excellent read on the subject can be found in a 3 part series over at The Obsidian Files titled Sistas Can't Be Ms. Ann.

When a White women craps on beta White men while she is hot and in her twenties in favor of White Alpha men, she knows that White beta men (along with many other races of male outsiders) will be there for her when she is ready to settle down. Same can be said for Asians and Latinas. Black women don't seem to have that same luxury. Does that mean that Black women need to kiss Black male nerds ass? No it doesn't.

What it does mean is that when a Black female hits 35,40 and up and can't find a mate then she needs to re-examine her own choices instead of blaming everyone and everything else. Black male Nerds are people too, they have a right to go where they want and where they think they can succeed.

And cry me a fucking river about "beauty standards" allowing non-Black women to fuck up and still find mates while not permitting Black women to do the same. Just as you are free to eliminate "nerds" from your dating pool the rest of the world is equally free to eliminate you from theirs.

When a single White woman gets knocked up, she usually has a strong support system. When a single Black woman gets knocked up, she usually doesn't. The angry negress at one time pointed this out and placed the blame on Black men as usual. I have an alternate suggestion: Bitches, close your fucking legs and make sure the man you lay down with is a man who cares enough about you to take care of you and the offspring. I know me pointing this out runs the risk of me getting casted as a Black male nerd who is jealous of "them thugs who be gettin allz da wimmins".

Instead of seeing men like me who point this out as jealous, they should see it as a warning to be heeded. Do as you please, but I won't be the one cleaning it up. In the real world and on the blogosphere I read it plenty. The cries for other Black men who had absolutely nothing to do with the siring of these children to "step up" and "be responsible" for the children for the sake of the race. Where was the responsibility and concern for the race when she let that flashy nigga who wasn't going to stick around spank dat ass?

Just because you are the same skin color or race doesn't mean I have to give a fuck about your bastard offspring. Like everyone else, all you and they are entitled to are your human and civil rights. After that, you are on your own.

Oh and another thing. Many of these womens' bastard offspring, usually the males, often use their predicament (I ain't got no daddy) as an excuse to act a fool. Instead of blaming the source (their mothers lascivious ways) they take out their frustration on the rest of the world. One day if one of them dares decide to approach me or mines with foul intent, me and my Sig Sauer will be waiting. I do hope I never have to use it.

I do believe in giving back, but I for damn sure will not be anybody's cuckold or Captain Save-a-ho. No amount of bullshit is going to shame me into wasting my precious little time on this Earth into fixing someone elses bullshit.

I saw the angry negress' first article about nerds and wanted to reply but didn't. Then a saw the second and felt the same and didn't. She couldn't resist going back to that same well so I felt I needed to say something. If she doesn't like Black male nerds, then that is fine, that is her business and her life. However, if you don't like them, leave them the hell alone.

Truth is many Black male nerds have found their way in this hostile world and that way doesn't include worshipping the ground that the angry negress and any and all Black women walk on. Her inability to deal with that reality is why the angry negress and others like her truly hates nerdy Black Men.